Locating My Priorities

If we want to focus on the most important things in life, we must learn to value the things that are most important. Our time, energy and resources will go to the activities we value most. If we treasure wisdom, family, health, and success, that is where our heart (and everything else) will go. If we value folly, self, indulgence, and mediocrity, that is where our heart (and everything else) will go.

Matthew 6:21 "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Makes the point of Proverbs 7:1-4 very clearly,                 
"My son, keep my words and treasure up my commandments with you;
keep my commandments and live; keep my teaching as the apple of your eye; bind them on your fingers; write them on the tablet of your heart. Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,” and call insight your intimate friend".

Two Sirens: One Brings Life, The Other Brings Death

Proverbs 2 presents two calls, one to wisdom, the other to destruction. The one listens to counsel, and the other strays from the path set for them. In Greek mythology, the Sirens were three dangerous bird-women, portrayed as seductresses who lured nearby sailors with their enchanting music and voices to shipwreck on the rocky coast of their island. In the Proverbs there is a battle between temptresses, lady wisdom and lady folly. Our eternal destiny is determined by our choice of lover.

Proverbs 2:21-22

          For the upright will live in the land, and the blameless will remain in it;
          but the wicked will be cut off from the land, and the unfaithful will be
          torn from it.

Compliments, Correction and Stewardship

Proverbs 27:2

          Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and
          not your own lips.

I was recently attended an awards banquet to honor educators. It was a celebration of work done on behalf of youth. It was a refreshing evening because it seemed that evening was more than willing to praise the work of their peers, rather than boast about their own accomplishments. Recognition from others triumphed over self-promotion.

Proverbs 27:17

          As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

I am grateful for the network of accountability that God has woven into my life. I have peers whom I speak to daily who hold me to my highest ideals. I have a personal coach who speaks words into my life. I even have the privilege of coaching someone. The discipline of having people speaking into my life and speaking into the lives of others makes me a better man.

Proverbs 27:18, 23-24

          He who tends a fig tree will eat its fruit, and he who looks after his
          master will be honored. Be sure you know the condition of your
          flocks, give careful attention to your herds; for riches do not endure
          forever, and a crown is not secure for all generations.

Faithful stewardship over your possessions will ensure that you will have plenty in your time of need.

Concealing Sins Leads to Trouble.

Being open with our faults, confessing our sin and turning a way from destruction behavior brings mercy. A pattern of concealing our sins hardens our heart. I have worked with people that were so conditioned by sin that they cannot distinguish between the truth and a lie. They seem disconnected and distant from the people around them, even the people they love - if they can still love them. A harden heart finds it difficult to respect anyone, even God. Without the fear of God to temper their behavior they find themselves in trouble.

Proverbs 28:13,14

          He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and
          renounces them finds mercy. Blessed is the man who always fears the
          LORD, but he who hardens his heart falls into trouble.

Self-Deception and Gossip

Proverbs 26:12, 16

          Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool
          than for him. The sluggard is wiser in his own eyes than seven men who
          answer discreetly.

Accurate evaluation is crucial to leadership. Without the ability to assess one's ability, many are led to disastrous vocational decisions. We must know ourselves before we know what assignments to take.

Proverbs 26:20, 22

          Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down. The
          words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's
          inmost parts.

Gossips kills. It destroys the reputation of the gossiper and the gossipee. Whenever I hear gossip. I wonder what they are saying about me when I am not around.

Hide and Seek With God

Proverbs 25:2

         It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter
         is the glory of kings.

Why would God hide things from us? I think it is because he wants to grow our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual abilities. When God placed Adam in the Garden of Eden, do you really think God needed help tending and cultivating the garden? No, his purpose was to give the man a job that would exercise his abilities. Physically he would grow strong by working the land. Emotionally man would have the opportunity to interact with one made just like him in Eve. Mentally he would be challenged to study each animal and give it a name that corresponded to its nature. Spiritually, man would have daily chats with God not only to debrief the day, but to experiencing intimacy with his creator.

God hides a matter so that he can draw the best out of us through our active engagement in trying to make sense of the world he has made.

Speaking and Singing Out On Behalf On Sex Trafficking

Proverbs 24:11

          Rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering
          toward slaughter. If you say, "But we knew nothing about this,"
          does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who
          guards your life know it? Will he not repay each person according
          to what he has done?

A good friend of mind Josh produced an album and launched a tour this summer to raise awareness of the sex trafficking plague gripping the land. The Voice speaks of the anguish of those affected by this horrible form of human slavery. If you don't know what to say, let the Voice help you gain your voice on behalf of the helpless and hopeless victims of the child sex trade.
 
Follow this link to hear the album and purchase it electronically or order a physical copy - http://kroothless.bandcamp.com/

Role Models

Proverbs 23:17

          Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous
          for the fear of the LORD.

While driving home from church with my boys, the subject of rap artists came up, particularly about an artist recently released from prison. The boys agreed that he was not releasing any good music anymore. Another artist recently started serving time and the boys predicted that he would be dead within a year of being released. It is amazing that such people are revered as role models. Even though their end is almost always sure ruin, these artists constantly get new fans who adore them.

Thankfully the writer to the Proverbs gives us a great alternative. Those who are zealous for the Lord and all his ways will find favor. We need to focus our sights on the proper role model, not on those who will fail us and not deliver the satisfaction they promise. The heart that is set on the fear of the Lord will find a hope and a future.

Integrity is more valuable than riches

1. Integrity is more valuable than riches. Ultimately, a good reputation increases profits in the long run.

2. God decides who is in rich or poor materially in this world, but both are of equal value to God and should be honored.

3. There is a fine line between sticking to the plan and knowing when to give in - discernment is needed.

4. The world says to promote yourself to get ahead. God emphasizes humility and respect of God in all our ways as the key to wealth.

6. Trust God that your investment in your children will yield a rich reward in the future.

7. Debt is another form of modern day slavery. We need to get emancipated as soon as possible.

9. Give to those in need and you will find yourself blessed.

10. The best way to end conflict is to rid yourself of mockers, those who do not want to listen to instruction.

13. Beware of those who always have an excuse not to work.

24-25. Know a person's friends and you know a person's character.

29. Excellent work will lead to the highest praise.

Proverbs 21 Applied

1. When meeting with the powerful, remember that it is God who directs your steps, not the human power in front of you.

2. We are all liable to self-deception, which is why we must listen to the Lord's word and Spirit to get to the truth.

3. Small daily obedience is more acceptable to God than big promises.

5. Get rich quick schemes meet reality: “Steady plodding brings prosperity; hasty speculation brings poverty” (TLB).

11. The wise do not repeat the mistakes of others.

13. To receive mercy you must be merciful.

15. Justice is a friend to those who live right and a terror to those who live in disobedience.

16. Stay true to your God-given wisdom, to deviate from that road leads to a dead end.

 17. The pampered, self-indulgent life is an expressway to poverty.

20. A glutton will go hungry in the winter because he has no reserves, he consumes whatever he gets.

21. Aim at righteousness and love and life, prosperity and honor.

28. Believing a liar brings destruction.

30. Our earthly strategies cannot overcome God's wisdom.

31. The process belongs to us, the results belong to God.

Words of Life, Works of death

Proverbs 18:4

          The words of a man’s mouth are deep waters; the fountain of wisdom
          is a bubbling brook.
 
I am struck by this proverb, but don't fully get its meaning. The closest I am come to is that when man speaks it is falls into a deep, dark abyss. It is stagnant and does not produce life. When words of wisdom proceed from the mouth of God, life producing activity ensues.
 
Proverbs 18:9
 
         Whoever is slack in his work is a brother to him who destroys.
 
Sloppy work destroys lives. Whether it is a bridge collapse, a poorly constructed oil rig, or laziness in completing your homework, slack work destroys. Slack works cooperates with the destroying work of the evil one.

Creating A Culture of Peace

Proverbs 17:1,14

         Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of
         feasting, with strife. Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam;
         so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.

Our family is going through the Young Peacemaker study material. The goal is to learn how to respond to conflict biblically and encourage a culture of peace in the family. The material begins with three profiles of responses to conflict: escape, attack, and work it out. Thus far we have identified the escapers and the attackers in our family and praying that we will learn to stand on the work it out part of the model.

Last night we spoke about God's design for the home to be a place of peace, cooperation, and support. So often that is not the case in our home. We also discussed that learning positive conflict resolution in the home is great preparation for having roommates in the future and ultimately living with your husband or wife. We are trying to create a peacemaking culture in our home that will make it a place of nurture and affirmation. Hopefully we can take that into all of our relationships.

The Virtue of Hard Work

Proverbs 14:23

          All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.

I have been around a few athletes and there are those who work and those who talk. Jerry Rice was a worker. He is known for his ridiculous workout routine. Rice's six-day-a-week workout is divided into two parts: two hours of cardiovascular work in the morning and three hours of strength training each afternoon. Rice succeeded when many others were mere talkers.

It would be easy to write this off as a work ethic that leads to wealth tale only. I think that it applies to other areas of life as well. When I compare my spiritual workout routine to Rice's workout routine, I come up short. I am amazed of how a person can dedicate himself to something that has value in this life only and how little I dedicate myself to the things that last forever. I understand that I am saved by the free gift of God. Knowing that I cannot add anything to the salvation God has given me, what would the rest of my life look like with a "little" hard work?

Fathers Required

Proverbs 13:1

          A wise son heeds his father's instruction, but a mocker does not listen
          to rebuke.

The writer makes the assumption that everyone has a loving home with a father there to instruct, protect, and love his children. The fact of the matter is that today's broken society is missing dad. I often see a hunger for affirmation in the eyes of many young people I meet. I am thankful that when my father was not able to parent me, I had men in my church that stepped into my life to lead in the right path. I now that without such men in my life, things could have gone bad at an early age. Listen to this quote from Fathers.com

         Some fathering advocates would say that almost every social ill faced
         by America's children is related to fatherlessness. Six are noted here.
         As supported by the data below, children from fatherless homes are
         more likely to be poor, become involved in drug and alcohol abuse,
         drop out of school, and suffer from health and emotional problems.
         Boys are more likely to become involved in crime, and girls are more
         likely to become pregnant as teens.
http://www.fathers.com/content/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=391

Opus Dei

Proverbs 12:1

          Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates
          correction is stupid.

I am taken by the monastic discipline of prayer and work. I believe that the monastics learned early on that without structure and accountability, the work of God - Opus Dei would not be accomplished. The monastic finds her home in communion with God and realizes that such times of intimacy (and sometimes boredom) do not come by wishing it to be so, but through carefully planning. Take a look at this schedule and see how you can make it your own.

In Cistercian monastery seven times every day the community assembles in the church to sing God’s praise and listen to God’s Word. Generally we use the traditional Latin names for these times of prayer:

Vigils – beginning some time during the early hours, around 4 a.m. while it is still dark;
Lauds – morning prayer, at daybreak;
Terce – mid-morning prayer, around 9 a.m;
Sext - midday prayer, around noon;
None – mid-afternoon prayer, around 3 p.m;
Vespers – evening prayer, ideally at sunset;
Compline - night prayer, which completes the day.

May God direct in your discipline of the Opus Dei.

One Lie Leads to Another Lie

In his poem One lie leads to another lie, Francis Duggan writes in the second stanza:

          One lie leads to another lie that always is the case
          Your first lie for deception and your second to save face
          And when you are faced with the truth the truth you will deny
          And to lie to you comes easy so you tell another lie.

Lying is exhausting and habit forming. Our first foray into lying is torturous and difficult to keep up. But as time goes on, lying becomes instinctive and the truth is hard to find. The end of such a life is loneliness and fear. Fear of wondering when all of the lies will come crashing down us. Only then do we realize that integrity leads to security.

Proverbs 10:9

          The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be
          found out.

Lost and Found

Wisdom frantically searches for her children, like a parent who has lost their child in a huge mall or a public park. Wisdom calls out for her child, climbs to the highest place to get a better view where her child might be. She goes back to all the familiar places where her child usually plays. Nothing stops an anxious parent searching for her child until she is found, nothing.

Proverbs 8:1-2,17,34

          Does not wisdom call out? Does not understanding raise her voice?
          On the heights along the way, where the paths meet, she takes her
          stand;

All of this drama could be avoided if we would love and seek wisdom on a daily basis. If we would watch and wait at wisdoms door, she would be more than happy to lavish upon us all of her love and riches. We who were once sought by wisdom must become the seekers of wisdom.

Proverbs 8:17, 24

          ...I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me
          ... Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors,
          waiting at my doorway.

Premeditated Sin

Reading an article titles The Seduction of Sir Simple (Proverbs 7:1-27). Gives a notable insight into the condition of the man led into the deadly trap of adultery. "Sir Simple did not fall because he was simple, but because he chose to neglect the truth of the Word of God and the Wisdom of God." The man in this passage chose to ignore the instructions given to him by his parents and rushed headlong in search of the adulteress woman.

At first glance it appears that a naive man falls prey to an older, wiser "cougar" who seduces him suddenly.
The fact of the matter is that the simple in this passage had a premeditated plunge into this deadly folly. He had no one to blame but himself. We are so quick to demonize the woman, when we should look at our own intentional forays to indulge our sensual desires.

For the full blog on sir simple go to http://bible.org/seriespage/seduction-sir-simple-proverbs-71-27

Embracing Work and Embracing Restraint

Proverbs 6


1 - 5: Do not co-sign or personally guarantee any guide of loan. When the loan goes bad you will be on the hook. If you have signed a bad contract, do all in your power to get out of it.

6 - 8: Be a self-directed worker. Ants have a sense of urgency about their work and go about it without having to be reminded of their job.

9 - 11: Small actions have lasting consequences. Just a "little" sleep, a "little" slumber, a "little" folding of the hands and disaster will overtake us with alarming speed.

16 - 24: The instruction that we receive from our spiritual parents must be a living document that we carry about us and reference constantly. When we do so we will avoid the mistakes they made in their youth and the numerous snares of the flesh.

25 - 29: The adulteress will wear or say whatever she has to consume you like a loaf of bread, a common commodity to be bought and sold. And don't think you can play with the lust of the flesh and not get burned. Listen to your elders and do not play with fire.

Sustainable Sex

Though it is tempting to pursue and to be pursued by another, such arousals are short lived. A recent article I read describes couples who hook up for sexual encounters in semi-public locations. The big thrill is potentially getting caught the act. As you can imagine, they soon tire of such "thrills" and need to move on to increasingly bizarre behaviors to keep the interest alive. Such behavior is unsustainable.


This Proverb is written to a married man (5:15-20) who should know better than to seek comfort or joy outside the covenant of marriage. The sayings of the wise father to his son are to not be captivated with that which is not his. Though enticed by her words, any who run to the adulterous will only get a bitter taste in their mouth (5:3-4). Rather a man should be completely satisfied with the wife of his youth. Why invest in a relationship that cannot last, the adulterous couple belongs to another. All such relationships are doomed to fail, because they are in plain view of God. God designed marriage to be the place to maximize sexual fulfillment. The wise stick to the plan.

A Healthy Heart

Proverbs 4:23

          Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

No one would argue that life itself is not possible without a beating heart. Most acknowledge that life is "difficult if the heart is not functioning properly. So what is the professor getting at when he tells us to "guard"? The heart has been called the seat of the emotions. I like to think of it as the seat of motives. I can tolerate a person when they have made a mistake or when they acted on faulty information. If their "heart" is in the right place, they will be able to admit their fault and overcome their momentary lapse in judgment. But if their motives are wrong, they will not heed instruction when it is offered to them. If the wellspring of their life is polluted then only impure, harmful water can be drawn from that well.

By keeping our motives pure, we will bring refreshing to many.

Discipline: The Lord's Love Language

Proverbs 3:11-12

          My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent his
          rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the
          son he delights in.

Many parents are hesitant to discipline their children because they worry that it might embitter their children towards them. The fact is that correcting your children or those who report to you does comes with risk. You can be misunderstood, or a child may think you are out to get them, or just continue doing wrong since in their mind they are going to get in trouble anyway.

Before we throw in the towel, we need to hear the words of this Proverb. Discipline for the right motives is one of the highest displays of love in the world. In fact the delight you take in your children is correlated to your willingness to discipline them when they go astray. As parents, our communication of delight and acceptance of our children will help them to understand the intent behind the discipline. As a child of God, thought the discipline of God is not pleasant, it always comes from a good place.

God Has No Grandchildren

Wisdom makes an invitation to us that we can either accept or reject. Even if a father or mother are diligent in instructing their children to embrace wisdom and to treasure it deep within, each generation must decide for themselves. As Luis Palau observed, God has no grandchildren. May we be the generation that turns our eyes and hearts to applying understanding. For in so doing we will have victory in this life and the life to come.

Proverbs 2:1-8

          My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within
          you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to
          understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for
          understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as
          for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the LORD
          and find the knowledge of God. For the LORD gives wisdom, and
          from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He holds victory
          in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is
          blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way
          of his faithful ones.

Not So Smart After All

Sometimes I think that I am pretty wise, but when I compare myself to the truly wise one, I am much like Agur. I am confronted that I am finite and that much is beyond my grasp. You alone O Lord are all knowing. Since you are the fount of all knowlegde, I run to you.

Proverbs 30:2-4

         "I am the most ignorant of men; I do not have a man's
         understanding. I have not learned wisdom, nor have I
         knowledge of the Holy One. Who has gone up to
         heaven and come down? Who has gathered up the
        wind in the hollow of his hands? Who has wrapped up
        the waters in his cloak? Who has established all the ends
        of the earth? What is his name, and the name of his son?
        Tell me if you know!

Rebuke, Dishonesty, and Compassion

Proverbs 29

Doesn't it seem that some people never learn? Even after they are corrected time and time again, they continue in their stubborn rebellion. Don't envy them, for there will come a point of no return.

          A man who remains stiff-necked after many rebukes will suddenly be
         destroyed--without remedy. (1)

If our spouse, children, or co-workers are dishonest, make sure we are not the ones causing them to stumble by tolerating dishonesty in our affairs.

          If a ruler listens to lies, all his officials become wicked. (12)

I have been staying in an inexpensive motel in Washington, D.C. I have to admit that some of the other clients are a bit sketchy. Rooming for one night, smelling of alcohol, and using colorful language. I was convicted that I didn’t have compassion for my hotel mates. Have I been away from poverty for so long that I run away from it? The Lord cares for the poor and marginalized. He taught yet once again that so should I.

          The poor man and the oppressor have this in common: The
          LORD gives sight to the eyes of both. If a king judges the poor
          with fairness, his throne will always be secure. (13-14)

Reap What You Sow

Proverbs 28:1,8,9,13,19,22,26

              The wicked man flees though no one pursues, but the righteous
              are as bold as a lion.

Those who have confidence in God do not need to fear man for God is their defender.

             He who increases his wealth by exorbitant interest amasses it for
             another, who will be kind to the poor.

Those who become wealthy on the backs of the poor, will lose it all.

             If anyone turns a deaf ear to the law, even his prayers are
             detestable.

Those who ignore earthly laws will find their prayers ignored as well.

             He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses
            and renounces them finds mercy.

Those who are transparent and remorseful will be blessed.

           He who works his land will have abundant food, but the one who
          chases fantasies will have his fill of poverty.

Those who work will eat and not suffer lack or poverty.
           He who trusts in himself is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom is
           kept safe.

Those who are their own doctors have a fool for a patient.

God Will Speak For Us

Proverbs 27:2

          Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not
         your own lips.

Bragging is ugly. I think we talk about ourselves so much because we have a need to be significant or at least to be noticed. In some cases, if you don't speak up for yourself, others may get a position or recognition that you deserve. In this proverb we all called to let others do the talking for us, believing that if we do good work, it will eventually be noticed.

You might ask, "What do I put on my resume or job application?" The truth. Many people lie or neglect to make full disclosure in fear of not getting a job. As people of wisdom we must trust that God will plead our case. We do not need to make our case; God will make it for us.

Who is Worse Off Than a Fool?

The fool receives the most scathing rebuke in the Proverbs 26.  The fool is unfit for honor (v.1), deserves to be whipped (v.3), is impossible to have a rational conversation with (v.4-5), cannot be trusted with a message (v.6), a proverb is useless in the mouth of a fool (v.7), shouldn't be hired (v.10),and repeats his folly (v.11). The only thing on earth worst is a proud man.

The proud man receives greater condemnation because, more times than not, he is conscious of his actions and does them anyway. The fool isn't always aware of what he is doing. The proud does not listen to counsel because he thinks he is right. Humility leads to a greater hope and future.

Proverbs 26:12

         Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool
         than for him.

Fun With No Regrets

Proverbs 24:1-2, 19-20

          Do not envy wicked men, do not desire their company; for their
          hearts plot violence, and their lips talk about making trouble. Do
          not fret because of evil men or be envious of the wicked, for the
          evil man has no future hope, and the lamp of the wicked will be
          snuffed out.

It may seem that the wicked are having all the fun. When I was in college, it seemed like those who did not follow God’s instructions seemed to be having all of the fun. They partied, drank, and explored their sexuality to the fullest. When it came to studying I had friends tell me that they cheated freely and had a higher GPA for their efforts.

Fortunately I found a band of friends who loved God and lived according to his precepts. We hung out until the late hours of the night enjoying each other's company without sexual frivolity. We studied together and supported each other. We had fun without regrets. We have little to be sorry for and can enjoy our memories and friendships today, almost 25 years later, freely. Obedience to God’s law today gives hope for the future.

On Good Zeal

Proverbs 23:17-18

          Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear
          of the LORD. There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope
          will not be cut off.

Being a Christ-follower is more than just intellectual ascent to facts, it is an emotional investment as well. I have friends who have been regularly criticized for being too emotional. "Stop being so emotional." "You need to grow up and face the facts." "Prince Charming is a fairy tale."  "Be a man, stop being so sensitive." The message is that grown-ups are realists and emotions are secondary at best. When life-decisions have to be made, the intellect is what really is important.

Yet in this proverb we are called to be zealous - "to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength." Emotions are not the problem, it is what they are attached to that can benefit or hurt us. When we expend our emotional energy on what is important to God, we find a future and a hope. When we invest our heart into things that are not substantial, our hope fritters away.

Be zealous for God, he will not disappoint you.

When Is It Time to Cut Someone Off?

Proverbs 22:10

         Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are
         ended.

One of the most difficult things to do is to determine when it is time to cut-off a conversation. We are taught to never give up on people. So we try to reason, persuade, and encourage a difficult person. But when does a person cease to have a temporary difficulty and become a mocker?

I am not sure, but when a person is no longer listening to others, but merely speaking to be heard or has little regard for the contributions of others, the line has been crossed. Mockers cannot be convinced. They are often stuck in their ways. The most loving thing to do for the mocker and those whom are impacted by him is to drive him out for the betterment of the group. A mocker may need to find a community where he is willing to listen to others. But when a mocker is removed from a group, it is addition by subtraction.

The process belongs to us; the outcome belongs to the Lord

Proverbs 21:31

          The horse is made ready for the day of battle, but victory rests with the
          LORD.

One of my favorite sayings is that "The process belongs to us; the outcome belongs to the Lord." We are told to make every provision for battle, but we know that it is not our preparation or skill that brings victory. It is the Lord bringing life to our efforts and dreams who makes all the difference.

It is good to remember that when parenting, making a sales call, or preparing for our future, we are not ultimately responsible for the fruit of our labor. The alternative to trusting God is worry, despair, and resignation. Many have given up on doing well because they cannot see the results they desire. This proverb calls us to rest secure in the Lord's victory while we do the right thing.

Mega Jackpot Money

Proverbs 20:21

          An inheritance quickly gained at the beginning will not be blessed at
          the end.

• By the time they have been retired for two years, 78% of former NFL players have gone bankrupt or are under financial stress because of joblessness or divorce.
• Within five years of retirement, an estimated 60% of former NBA players are broke.
• Numerous retired MLB players have been similarly ruined.

It is easy to pick on pro athletes, but we read much the same about lottery winners and second and third generation children of self-made millionaires. Money without wisdom is a snare and will lead to ruin. Throughout the Proverbs, work and wealth play a prominent role. Just in this chapter alone, several principles emerge:

• Consistent work provides for the future. v.4
• Honesty in business dealings is important. v.20,23
• Laziness brings poverty. v.13
• Good advice is critical. v.18

We should follow God’s wisdom on how to handle money so that whether we have much or little, our financial house will be intact.


Reference:
Torre, Pablo S. (2009). "How (and Why) Athletes Go Broke". Retrieved on April 20, 2010 from
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1153364/1/index.htm

Plan, Pray, Please, and Peace

Proverbs 16:1-3,7

          To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the
          reply of the tongue. All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but
         motives are weighed by the LORD. Commit to the LORD whatever
         you do, and your plans will succeed...When a man's ways are pleasing
         to the LORD, he makes even his enemies live at peace with him.

When Nancy and I decided to get married, not everyone was in agreement. Many thought that it was too soon, we met in May and married in December of the same year. Others felt we needed extensive pr-marital counseling before marriage. I have to admit that we sometimes say to each other, "did we actually get married that quickly?" As we were thinking about the objections being raised, these verses came to us. We found comfort in the knowledge that if we put our plans before God; he would make our plans succeed. God would even deal with our detractors as long as our ways were pleasing in his sight.

We can dream as long as we submit all things to him. When we walk in him, he will send peace around us.

Think Before You Speak

Proverbs 15


Speaking the truth in love avoids conflict before it starts

          1. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up
          anger.

 The right word at the right time brings healing and life to the listener

          4 The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful
          tongue crushes the spirit.

          7 The lips of the wise spread knowledge; not so the hearts of
          fools.

          23 A man finds joy in giving an apt reply--and how good is a
          timely word!

Garbage in, garbage out. If we feed on knowledge we get discernment, if we feed on foll, we become fools

          14 The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool
          feeds on folly.

Are things more peaceful or less peaceful when I am around?

          18 A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man
          calms a quarrel.

Careful deliberation may move things slower than we want, but they ensure that we come to principled decisions

          28 The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth
          of the wicked gushes evil.

Our Children's Inheritance

Proverbs 14:26


          He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it
          will be a refuge.

I often think about the inheritance that I am going to leave for my children. I wonder if what I accumulate in this life will be enough to help them or their grandchildren get a good start in life. If you ever talk to a financial planner, they usually make you believe that you do not have nearly enough to retire, nor to leave anything worthwhile to your children. I am happy for this proverb; it points us to the greatest gift we can give to our children. If we fear the Lord and rest secure in his fortress battered by life's storms, our children will look at our example and take refuge in him as well when they face their own difficulties.

This does not mean we have to be perfect parents or that would take me out of the running already! But, our children should see us constantly running to God for support and encouragement. Our security in God is the best inheritance we can leave our children.

Listening Leadership

Why is it so hard to get advice? Is it our pride? Are we moving too fast? We know that good advice can save money, a reputation, and in some cases a life. As I read these words, they challenge the independent ways I do things. I have been the recipient of wise counsel lately. My job as a leader is greatly enhanced when I listen to the counsel around me.

May we listen and learn from these words in Proverbs 13

1 A wise son heeds his father's instruction, but a mocker does not listen to
 rebuke.

10 Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take
advice.

13 He who scorns instruction will pay for it, but he who respects a
command is rewarded.

14 The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life, turning a man from the
snares of death.

15 Good understanding wins favor, but the way of the unfaithful is hard.

16 Every prudent man acts out of knowledge, but a fool exposes his folly.

20 He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.

Marrying Above Yourself

Proverbs 12:4

          A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful
          wife is like decay in his bones.

A seminary professor told me that most ministers "marry above themselves". I believed him 20 years ago and I believe him now. The choice of marriage partner is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. I live in a house with five teenagers who fall in and out of love on a routine basis. Trying to steer in the right direction in relationships is a daunting and exhausting endeavor. The latest line has been on the difference between "attraction" and "action".

I have been telling my kids that you cannot control who you are attracted to, but you can control your actions. Beyond attraction we must look for "noble character" in the person we give our heart away to. Does the person exhibit and demonstrate actions consistent with the character of Christ? Is the person kind to others, especially to those that cannnot benefit them? Does he/she have a goof work ethic?

When looking for a mate, the best indicator is the person's current character. Our choice of spouse will build strength or cause decay.

A Living Legacy

Proverbs 11:7

          When a wicked man dies, his hope perishes; all he expected from his
          power comes to nothing.

The wicked are often lonely; they do not take many people into their confidence. The wicked look over their shoulder; they keep their deeds out of the sight of others. They fear someone will "steal" their ideas or may turn them in to the authorities. Not so the righteous. The righteous live an open, inviting life. The righteous want others to benefit from whatever they are doing and encourage people to collaborate with them. The righteous have nothing to fear, for their deeds are legitimate and above reproach.

The hope of the wicked perishes with them. The hope of the righteous lives on through the people they invest in.

Outgrowing God?

Proverbs 10:8

          The wise in heart accept commands, but a chattering fool comes to
          ruin.

A friend said to me that he do not want to get baptized because he do not like the ideas of anyone telling him what to do. He liked God, but was wary of the ultimate act of submission via baptism, which in his mind would signify that God, not himself was in charge of his life. With increases in knowledge, some people believe that they are the final arbiter of right and wrong. We somehow think that having someone outside of ourselves as our leader is out date and has passed since we have "outgrown" our pre-modern understanding of the universe illustrated by this chart.

Age                         Time Period                         Decision-Maker


Pre-modern             Prior to 1789                         Deity   

Modern                   1789-1989                            Reason

Post-modern           1989-Present                        The Individual

The writer of Proverbs reminds us that accepting God's commands is wise and the path to avoid foolish chatter. We can't outgrow God.

Less is More

"He who conceals his hatred has lying lips, and whoever spreads slander is a fool. When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise."
(Proverbs 10:18-19)

Less is more.

Over ninety percent of communication is non-verbal, yet it's interesting to note that most conflicts seem to occur over something that is said.

"An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city, and disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel." (Proverbs 18:19)

The more we talk following a disagreement or difference of opinion, the deeper the hole we dig for ourselves with our loved one, friend or in some cases an enemy. Too many words may seem hypocritical, insincere or may even be perceived as an admission of guilt.

Our lives speak louder than our words.

Silence is wisdom.

Enough said.

Wisdom or Folly, Blessing or Curse: The Choice is Ours

Proverbs 9:4&16

          "Let all who are simple come in here!" she says to those who
           lack judgment.

Wisdom and folly can be found on every street corner in our urban centers. Wisdom and folly faithfully make their appeals to those who are simple and lack judgment. Lady wisdom leads to life, lady folly to death. When all is said, we have a choice. It reminds me of the words of God to the Israelites as he reaffirms his covenant with them.

Deuteronomy 28:1-2,15

           If you fully obey the LORD your God and carefully follow all
           his commands I give you today, the LORD your God will set
           you high above all the nations on earth. All these blessings will
           come upon you and accompany you if you obey the LORD
           your God...However, if you do not obey the LORD your God
           and do not carefully follow all his commands and decrees I am
           giving you today, all these curses will come upon you and overtake
           you:

God has set two paths before us. Wisdom or folly, blessing or curse. The choice is ours and so are the consequences.

Am I Listening?

Proverbs 8:33

"Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not ignore it."

As a parent I am aware that there is a difference between hearing and listening, and so I have learned to ask two basic questions.

(1) "Did you hear me?" -- This allows me to inquire whether or not my words were perceived by ears other than my own. There are times when I don't receive a response to my instruction, and it's simply because it was not heard. Perhaps I was speaking softly or the hearer was in another room.

(2) "Are you listening?" -- I tend to ask this question when the hearer who is in ear shot, is somewhat engaged, but may also appear distracted or disinterested.

Recently, I received a taste of my own medicine when my enthusiastic preteen began a very detailed sports-related discussion that I found difficult to follow. When my disconnection from the conversation was detected, I was asked "Mama, are you listening?" Humbly and lovingly, I apologized . . . and since then have made a real effort to demonstrate active listening skills whenever that topic is re-introduced -- out of love and respect for my child.

Today as I read Proverbs Chapter 8, I asked myself "I'm within ear shot, but am I listening to my Father?" Verse 33 commands me to give the Word my full attention and to obey. When I am listening, I am engaged and motivated to action. I am willing to make the choice to stay plugged in and to respond to what is being said because I love, respect and trust the One who is speaking to me.

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says."
(James 1:22)

Are YOU listening?

What Do You Seek?

Proverb 8:34-35

          Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors,
          waiting at my doorway. For whoever finds me finds life and receives
          favor from the LORD.

Wisdom is to be sought after. In the Rule of Saint Benedict a guide to monastic living, those seeking to enter the monastery had to prove their earnestness before being allowed to enter. Chapter 58 gives the following guidelines:

          Do not grant newcomers to the monastic life an easy entry, but, as
          the Apostle says, Test the spirits to see if they are from God
          (1 John 4:1). Therefore, if someone comes and keeps knocking at
          the door, and if at the end of four or five days he has shown himself
          patient in bearing his harsh treatment and difficulty of entry, and
          has persisted in his request, then he should be allowed to enter and
          stay in the guest quarters for a few days. After that, he should live
          in the novitiate, where the novices study, eat and sleep.

Like the persistent widow in Luke 18, we must give ourselves no rest until we get a blessing that wisdom promises.

The Anatomy of Sin Exposed

Proverbs 7:8

          He was going down the street near her corner, walking along in the
          direction of her house...

When does sin become sin? This proverb recounts the saga of a young man foolishly wandering in the vicinity of a known adulteress. Sure enough, the young man is captivated by the advances of the wayward woman and gives in to her invitation to his own ruin.

Proverbs 7:22-23

          All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter, like a
         deer stepping into a noose till an arrow pierces his liver, like a bird
         darting into a snare, little knowing it will cost him his life.

In the book of James 1:13-15, the anatomy of sin is exposed. Sin starts with our thoughts. The thoughts we harbor are like an embryo that grows inside of us. As we nurture our evil desires, they are given birth. Once born, our evil desires continue to grow until they are fully developed into sinful patterns that lead us away from God into sin.

This is why Solomon urges his son to desire wisdom rather than folly. It is a matter of life and death.

When Sleep Is Not Sweet

How long will you lie there, you sluggard? When will you get up from your sleep?
A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest --
and poverty will come on you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man.

(Proverbs 6:9-11)

These verses warn us of the consequences of laziness.

According to the United States Department of Labor/ Bureau of Labor Statistics website, the unemployment rate in the U.S. was 9.7% in March 2010 -- up from 8.6% in March 2009.

Periods of short- or long-term unemployment should not translate into extended stay-cations. Instead, they may be viewed as opportunities to temporarily increase acts of service and ministry at home, in the church and in the community.

More importantly, during periods of unemployment, people have the opportunity to draw closer to God . . . The True Source!

First Who Then What

Proverbs 6:6-8

           Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! It has no
           commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in
           summer and gathers its food at harvest.

Self-directed and autonomous workers are praised in this proverb. In the work setting, you look for people who will take initiative to accomplish their job without having to be prodded by a boss. If an employee or volunteer has to be reminded to do their job, then perhaps they are the wrong hire. Success at home, work, and play is determined by surrounding yourself with people with the skill and motivation to accomplish the task set before them. To build a high performing team, we must look at who before what.

In his book Good to Great, Jim Collins articulates the First Who principle on developing high performance teams. It has four primary components:


          1) Get the right people on the bus.
          2) Get the right people in the right seats.
          3) Get the wrong people off the bus.
          4) Put who before what.

When making decisions, we must observe someone's character, their work ethic, in addition to whatever talents they may have.

A Seared Conscience

Proverbs 5:6

          She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths are crooked, but
          she knows it not.

The writer to the Proverbs warns his son to watch out for an adulteress woman. The biggest danger of someone who lives in premeditated sin is that they become calloused to their activities or develop a seared conscious Charles Finney, a prominent preacher and professor delivered a lecture on the seared conscious. He commented that "A seared conscience may be general or particular; that is, the mind may become generally insensible to moral obligation and the ill desert of sin; or this insensibility may be confined to particular sins."

After much misuse, the human mind can become immune to right and wrong. The writer warns his son that relations with such a person is dangerous. They have been so trained in doing wrong that they will do wrong and not realize it. We all must guard against our own blind spots and pockets of sin that we allow to live alongside our profession of faith in God. We must root out evil before it becomes normal in our lives.

Talk to Your Kids

Proverbs 4:1-4

          Listen, my sons, to a father's instruction; pay attention and gain
          understanding. I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my
          teaching. When I was a boy in my father's house, still tender, and
          an only child of my mother, he taught me and said,

              "Lay hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands
               and you will live...

As a parent one of my favorite things to do is talk to my kids about life. After our Sunday evening gathering time to discuss the sermon of the day (which can be a bit threatening for a child since I am their preacher as well as father), one of the children starting asking all sorts of questions. We went from discussing evolution to homosexuality, to same-sex attraction and a few other topics. In this wide-ranging, free-for-all discussion my greatest desire was to communicate scriptural words of wisdom that my children could live by. I pray that they will lay hold of my words and keep God's commandments and live.

Discipline and Delight

Proverbs 3:11-12
         
            My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent his
            rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a
            father the son he delights in.

I only fight with people I love and with whom I have a long-term relationship. A fight should only be lavished upon those you love and delight in. I have ten children in my home. You can imagine the opportunities for confrontation. A part of me wants to lighten up and sometimes give up. What keeps me going is the fact that God has put each member in my household and I love them. In fact, my love gives me strength to fight.

How much more the love of God for us; He made us, loved us, and stayed with us even when we turned our back on him. He loved us so much that he allowed his Son to die a painful death as a payment for our sin so that we can feel the warmth of his embrace. He disciplines us because he delights in us. The next time we feel the hand of God upon us, smile, he delights in us enough to discipline us.

The Fear and Knowledge of God Brings...

Proverbs 2:1-5

          My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you,
         turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding,
         and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you
         look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then
         you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of
         God.

The fear and knowledge of God brings...
               wisdom - v. 6
               understanding - v. 6
               victory in store for the upright - v.7
               a shield to those whose walk is blameless - v.7
               protection - v.8
               understanding what is right and just and fair
               every good path - v.9
               knowledge will be pleasant to your soul - v.10
               discretion - v.11
               salvation from the ways of wicked men - v.12

I am grateful for the words of God which guide and direct us. If we would only cry out and search for God in all that we do, we will find pleasantness in life.

Don't Miss The Obvious

Proverbs 1:10-16
       
          My son, if sinners entice you, do not give in to them. If they say,
          "Come along with us; let's lie in wait for someone's blood, let's
          waylay some harmless soul; let's swallow them alive, like the grave,
          and whole, like those who go down to the pit; we will get all sorts of
          valuable things and fill our houses with plunder; throw in your lot
          with us, and we will share a common purse"- my son, do not go along
          with them, do not set foot on their paths; for their feet rush into
          sin, they are swift to shed blood.

I heard a great quote from a movie that I have not seen. One of the characters said The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that, poof. He's gone. It is often difficult to believe that blatant evil exists in the world. But when you look at corporate scandals, ponzi schemes, lotteries, and scam artists, the evidence is overwhelming. When reading this proverb we think "C'mon, sin isn't that obvious". Sin is usually obvious, we must resist external and internal pressures to go along with the crowd.

A Guide Like No Other

Proverbs 30:4

         Who has gone up to heaven and come down? Who has gathered up the
         wind in the hollow of his hands? Who has wrapped up the waters in his
         cloak? Who has established all the ends of the earth? What is his name,
         and the name of his son? Tell me if you know!

Who is qualified to give counsel to man and woman? Who is able to understand and comprehend the things that concern us? The one who created us and all that concerns us is eminently qualified to direct us throughout life here on earth and ultimately to bring us home to heaven. The writer of this Proverb asks "Who can compare with God?" He says if anyone is out there that can compare with me, then follow him. Obviously, no one else compares. God alone is qualified to lead us. Let's follow him with all our strength.

Serving Your Way To The Top

Proverbs 29:23

          A man's pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor.

I knew of a church that was led by 3 to 5 elders. The model was for shared leadership among these men. They each preached, counseled, and made decisions unanimously. One day, one of the elders felt that he should be the head of the whole church. The rest of the church did not agree and the man left in an angry huff. Not only did he leave the church, but as far as we know, he has not walked with God in the last twenty five years.

In that same church, there was a man who would come an hour early to church to sweep out the storefront of the building we were meeting in. He would also arrange the chairs and make sure everything was ready for church service. After ten years of faithful service his spiritual leadership was recognized and he was asked to serve as an elder. A position he has served in faithful for twenty five years.

Honor comes to the servant of all.

Confession Is Good For The Soul

Proverbs 28:13

          He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and
          renounces them finds mercy.

Confession is good for the soul. We live in a culture that does not acknowledge sin. I am tired of hearing yet another celebrity mea culpa over a "transgression" or "misstep". I wish someone would step up to the mike and simply say, "I am sorry, I have sinned against God and my family and with God's help will live differently ", and then just simply walk away. I fear that with all millions on the line that people are trying to do damage control in order to keep their endorsements, rather than enter into soul cleansing repentance - the acknowledgement of sin and turning from sin to God - many settle for avoidance or shallow apologies. True mercy and forgiveness comes to those who renounce their sin and choose to walk a different path.

How Much Is Enough?

Proverbs 27:20

          Death and Destruction are never satisfied, and neither are the eyes of
          man.

A talented man I know once told me that he felt a definite call on God's life to go into vocational ministry, but he felt that he needed to make money to support his family.

A young man tells me that he loves his girlfriend of five years, but he doesn't think he can afford to get married now.

A young married woman with tears in her eyes tells me of her deep desire to have children, but her husband doesn't believe that they cannot afford children due to their financial condition.

To each of these people I asked, "How much is enough?", "What is your number?" "When will you now when you have enough money to go into full-time ministry, afford to get married or have children? I have rarely met the person that places a self-imposed cap on their salary. When was the last time you heard a CEO of a large company or an athlete say, "You know, I have made enough money in my career, I don't think I need any more?"

The point is that we need to place our trust and confidence in God and not our bank account for ultimate decisions in our life. We need to learn to say "enough" of our own desires and yes to God's design for our life.

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones...

Proverbs 26:2

          Like a fluttering sparrow or a darting swallow, an undeserved curse
          does not come to rest.

As a parent, you hear alot of angst over the words of one sibling to another. "Mom, she called me a name", "He's bothering me!" and many other refrains. If it were not so annoying, it would be funny. Imagine, believing as an adult that we were controlled by what other people say. Ridiculous!?
 
I remember an incident when I was serving in a church when a missionary made a financial request. After listening to his request, I had to tell him that we could not fund his project. The next thing out of his mouth was, "I curse you for withholding from the Lord's work." To which I responded, " I don't receive that and you can take your curse with you as you leave." The curse was baseless.  An undeserved curse flutters away.
 
The words spoken over us that do not originate from the throne of God do not belong to us. We should not receive nor be controlled by controlled by the words of others
 
          Romans 3:4 - Let God be true though every one were a liar.

Law and Order

Proverbs 25:8-10

          What you have seen with your eyes do not bring hastily to court, for
          what will you do in the end if your neighbor puts you to shame? If you
          argue your case with a neighbor, do not betray another man's
          confidence, or he who hears it may shame you and you will never
          lose your bad reputation.

A frivolous lawsuit is when you a sue a person for very suspect reasons. Some estimate that civil lawsuits cost the US economy over 200 billion dollars per year. They are not only costly, there are embarrasing to those who bring them. It is better to seek reconcilaition personally than to display ones ignorance for all to see. Here is one of my favorites.

          For a while in the 1990s, Anheuser-Busch, the producers of Budweiser,
          ran a series of ads in which two beautiful women come to life in front of
          two truck drivers. A Michigan man bought a case of the beer, drank it,
          and failed to see two women materialize. Cue the lawsuit. He sued the
          company for false advertising, asking for a sum in excess of $10,000.

A bad reputation is difficult to recover.

Pay Back Is... A Job for God

Proverbs 24:29

          Do not say, "I'll do to him as he has done to me;
          I'll pay that man back for what he did."
 
Deuteronomy 32:35
 
          It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time
          their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near
          and their doom rushes upon them."

Romans 12:19

          Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for
          God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge;
          I will repay," says the Lord.

I believe that payback belongs to the Lord for two reasons:

1. We are not very good at giving people what they really deserve God knows exactly what each persons.
2. When we engage in exacting vengeance, we get damaged in the process.

So, let's leave payback to the Lord.

The Art of the Long View

Proverbs 23:4

          Do not wear yourself out to get rich; have the wisdom to show
          restraint.

I want instant results. I want to lose (weight) in three months what took me 27 years to put on. I want to get on a budget and become financially secure in three months, when I have a spending history that has not always been disciplined. I want to finish a chapter in my dissertation in one week, that takes two months to do. The road to instant gratification is littered by many earnest souls.

Instant gratification leads to mighty efforts, expenditures on the latest fad diet or the next piece of technology that is going to "sync" our life into perfect harmony. The proverb today exhorts us to run away from the Instant Interstate and to ride along the road marked restraint. Restraint will help us take steady, measured steps towards our goals. It will put us on a 12 month weight reduction plan with clear and measurable targets, rather than a three month health wrecking diet. 

"We tend to overestimate what we can do in a day and underestimate what we can do in a year."

Why a Proverb a Day?

Proverbs 20:17-18

               Pay attention and listen to the sayings of the wise; apply your heart
               to what I teach, for it is pleasing when you keep them in your
               heart and have all of them ready on your lips.

I had a seminary professor who read a Proverb a day in the morning and five chapters of Psalms in the evening; in this way he would read and meditate on the wisdom literature and the prayer book of God's people each month. By continual reading and meditating (blogging) on these wise sayings, we become active listeners to the word of God. As active listeners, we are led to apply the teachings of the truly wise one to every part of our life and learn to cherish the word of God in our hearts.

A Proverb a day keeps the sayings of the wise on our lips and guides our behavior on the path of the just.

eHarmony marriages

Proverbs 21

          9 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house
             with a quarrelsome wife.

        19 Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and
             ill-tempered wife.

I have done a few eHarmony marriages. On average, 236 eHarmony members marry every day; that accounts for 2% of U.S. marriages.* eHarmony claims to use a scientific approach to matching singles based on using its 29 DIMENSIONS® model to match couples based on features of compatibility found in thousands of successful relationships. It places a needed emphasis on compatibility or shared vision in helping couples discern if they are right for each other.

I have found in my own marriage that many of the disagreement that reoccur have more to do with our personalities than being right or wrong. Knowing how my wife is wired helps me live with her in an understandable manner. It helps me to see that more times than not, my wife is not being difficult, she is merely living out of her make-up.

Marriage is a life-long commitment to living well with another person. Doing our homework on our spouse can pay dividends.

*2007 survey for eHarmony by Harris Interactive®

My Take On the Proverbs

Proverbs 20

          3 It is to a man's honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to
          quarrel.

Only fight when you have to.

         4 A sluggard does not plow in season; so at harvest time he looks
         but finds nothing.

In the book "Dig Your Well Before You're Thirsty", Harvey Mackay provides wisdom on looking for your next provision before you have to.

         6 Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who
         can find?

         11 Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is
         pure and right.

Don't judge me by my words or intentions, judge me by my actions.

         13 Do not love sleep or you will grow poor; stay awake and you will
         have food to spare.

Sleep is restorative. Sleep is not an escape from life.

True Friends

Proverbs 19:4-7

           Wealth brings many friends, but a poor man's friend deserts him.
           A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who pours out lies
           will not go free. Many curry favor with a ruler, and everyone is the
           friend of a man who gives gifts. A poor man is shunned by all his
           relatives— how much more do his friends avoid him! Though he
           pursues them with pleading, they are nowhere to be found.

A recession is a good time to check who your friends are. When things are going well, it is amazing how many people surround you. Michael Vick had a large posse around him when he was living the high life as a NFL superstar. But once his legal trouble began, his "friends" deserted him. In fact, it was those in his inner circle that turned states evidence against him. Right about now, Mr. Vick knows who his true friends are.

Do you know who your true friends are? Cherish them and do not abandon them when your life circumstances go up or their life circumstances go done.

Facebook Friends

Proverbs 18:24

          A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend
          who sticks closer than a brother.

I have 960 friends on facebook and counting. Obviously, I can't keep up with 960 people in any intimate or deep way, it is not possible. We were made social beings, so it is good to be friendly and have many acquaintances. But when things get serious, we need a close friend, someone we know and who knows us. We need a person in our life that has remained by our side in good times and bad. A friend that has our best interest in mind and will always tell you the truth, even before we may know what is true.

When I was a singles pastor, it amazed me to see how so many people bounced from church to church. Just when they were getting close enough to know others and more importantly to be known by others, they would bounce. At its core, many are just not comfortable when people know them and can call them out about their stuff.

We have a choice: deep, open, and honest relationships or facebook relationships.

Meritocracy Over Aristocracy

Proverbs 17:2
A wise servant will rule over a disgraceful son, and will share the inheritance as one of the brothers.

The divine right of monarchs was a theory that people were born into their station in life and would remain in that station whether or not they were worthy of their position. It led to a type of determinism that convinced people that they could do nothing to improve their lot in life. I can even see in my own Hispanic upbringing that we had a particular pecking order, the elder ruled over the younger. We grew up in an aristocratic model rather than meritocracy that reward people according to their character and competence.
 
The writer of the Proverbs cautions against such a view. A person's character and integrity will cause them to rise or fall. In the Rule of Saint Benedict, even the youngest member could be elected the leader if the merit of his life and the wisdom of his doctrine were above reproach.
 
        But let him who is to be elected be chosen for the merit of his life
        and the wisdom of his doctrine, though he be the last in the
        community.

Random Or Not

Proverbs 16:33
The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the LORD.

In a review of Richard Colling's Random Designer, the book describes how

        the forces of randomness and chaos, which play central roles in our
        physical existence, are actually creative. The Creator simply taps
        these apparently random physical processes to accomplish his higher
        goal, the creation of human beings capable of consciously perceiving
        and acknowledging him.

I have experienced things that seemed unconnected, random and even contradictory in my life. One of the most pleasant surprises is how God has used what I deemed random, useless experiences and brought about good for myself or someone I love.

It is good to know that ultimately all decisions come from the Lord and are made into creative forces in molding us into the children of God.

Coram Deo: The God Who Sees Me

Proverbs 15:3
         
     The eyes of the LORD are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked
     and the good.

Coram Deo literally refers to something that takes place in the presence of, or before the face of, God. Coram Deo is a keen awareness that all our life is lived out on a public stage before an audience of one. Coram Deo reminds us that none of our joy nor struggles is forgotten by our God who sees us.

One of my favorite names of God is revealed in an encounter that Hagar had with God after she fled the presence of Sarai who was jealous and mistreated her when Hagar become pregnant and Sarai remained barren. Hagar was sitting by a desert spring alone and unsure of her future. In the midst of her turmoil she encounters God. She meets the one who sees her, the one who knows her. We too can know that we live before the one who sees us and provides us.

Genesis 16:13

     She gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: "You are the God
     who sees me," for she said, "I have now seen the One who sees me."

Look Before You Leap

Proverbs 14:15-16

• 15.
 
• A simple man believes anything, but a prudent man gives thought to his steps.

• 16.
 
• A wise man fears the LORD and shuns evil, but a fool is hotheaded and reckless.

We've all heard the Golden Rule, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."  But I question its application in the business world.  When I started out in business, I was a simple man, according to Proverbs.  I thought that I would look out for everyone's best interests and they would look out for mine.  But that isn't true.  A friend once said, "You don't get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate." Contracts have become much more important than intentions.  What you wanted doesn't matter, the only thing that matters are the terms set forth in the contract. The value of a contract, though, is that it forces us to think about what we are getting into.  When you enter a partnership, the contract allows you to spell out what you believe, to "give thought" to your steps and "shun evil."  It's a real opportunity to look before you leap that should be taken advantage of, lest we become "hotheaded and reckless."

Slow Money

Proverbs 13:11
Dishonest money dwindles away, but he who gathers money little by little makes it grow.

A few years ago I was talking a couple of drug dealers who worked on my street. I asked them a question, "Why do you sell drugs and don't do legit work?" One of their answers got my attention,

"I don't like making slow money; I can make a couple of "G's" in a minute"

But when I asked about the competition on the streets, the threat of violence and/or imprisonment, they just shrugged it off as the price of doing business. I then told them about my rental property business. I explained how the renter was paying for my mortgage, providing me with some income, and the house was appreciating in value. I showed the benefits of slow money. He was so impressed, that he asked me if I would sell him my house. I said I would think about it, fortunately he got busted and I didn't have to entertain a deal with questionable financing.

The lure of quick money has entrapped many. We need to heed this proverb, "he who gathers money little by little makes it grow".

It's a Dog's Life

Proverbs 12:10
A righteous man cares for the needs of his animal, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel.

I am not a lifelong animal lover, but I have had a few dogs and cats that I have loved. You can tell a person's character when they are caring for someone or something dependent on them. The theory goes that the respect and honor shown to someone considered to be in a lower station than you will indicate what kind of leader a person will be in the future. If you "kick the dog", what will keep you from dealing with those under your authority with the same kind of contempt? The righteous reveal their character through love and concern for all people, not just those that can profit them.

If you want to see a man's true character, look at how he treats his dog.

One for All

Proverbs 11:14
For lack of guidance a nation falls, but many advisers make victory sure.

A friend mine who serves as a chaplain for professional football team made the following comment the other day. "A basketball team can win a championship with one or two superstars and the rest of the team can be average. In football every player on every play is vital to the success of the team. When a left tackle misses a block, the quarterback gets sacked." Success in life, church, and business is dependent on everyone contributing to the work before them.

As I get older, this Proverb makes more and more sense. I have seen things prosper and fail based on the accessibility and reception of good counsel. I am learning to submit my ideas not only to the Lord, but also to those he has placed around me. I see this Proverb as a call to seek out worthy advisors whenever I start a project.

What Is In Name?

Proverbs 10:7
The memory of the righteous will be a blessing, but the name of the wicked will rot.

Bernard L. Madoff’s daughter-in law Stephanie filed a formal request to have her surname legally changed to Morgan, as well as those of her two children. She fear death threats and the notoriety of being associated with Bernard Madoff who is serving 150 years in prison for the largest-ever Ponzi scheme, estimated at over $50 billion dollars. By day Bernie Madoff seem to be a jolly man, concerned with his clients. By night he built a huge, partly secretive investment business that lured the wealthy and not so wealthy to part with their money by the lure of great investment returns.

Much of the allure of investing with Madoff was his good reputation and seeming concern for others. The Madoff name went from being a blessing to a curse. His memory will never be cherished and his works forever be considered a shame.

Though righteousness may take concerted effort and may not receive the acclaim of society, it still yields the highest return on your investment. “Steady plodding brings prosperity; hasty speculation brings poverty”. (Proverbs 21:5, TLB).

Criticism and Character

Proverbs 9:7-9
Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you.

At my Ph. D. orientation, our cohort was told that constructive criticism is our friend and that if we listened to it and did not take offense, we would benefit from it. Those were prophetic words! We received strong critique of our work, the kind that can make you say, "Are you sure I belong here?" But as we are going through the program, we have learned to cherish our toughest professors, for they are making us better able to do rigorous, valuable work in our field.

But as we read this Proverb, we also see that correction reveals character. We do not know a person's heart until we have offered them the loving hand of criticism. The teachable heart will love you; the unteachable heart will hate you.

Here are a few things I have learned on handling criticism:
     1. Receive the criticism as if it were true.
     2. If they were true, what changes would you make?
     3. Make the changes that will improve your performance.
     4. Reject the parts of the message that were not true.